User Profile

I'm somebody different, the man always changing. My life is a miriad of events all tied into one thing, all serving one purpose. I believe that growing up is a learning experience, and what we learn should be shared with those who need it most, when it's still fresh in our minds. I do not claim to be some sage, or omniscient, but helping other people see what they really feel is my life. Emotions have a strong impact on our decisions, our goals, our loves, but too often we overlook them in the interest of greed and lust. We label ourselves with cute names, and we label the way we express our love. Unfortunately, as a society, we have not yet ascended to a higher plain of thinking. The potential lies within each of us to see and feel more than we now percieve. Through time, dedication, and God, we can understand more than a professor, a teacher, or a journalist could ever try to enlighten, reinforce, or uncover.

It takes more than courage to change your life, it takes action. We never really lose our way in life, we just change the course of our path. Like walking from day to day through the forest, or rolling hills of Indiana, there is a chance, every morning, to set out in a different, new, and completely untamed direction. The same goes with people. Fight anger with love, frustration with comfort, indiffernce with a smile, and the unexpected with open arms. Don't throw money at the beggar or hitch-hiker, pick him up and buy him lunch, get him a pair of shoes, listen to his words. Take time from life to open your eyes and really look around at how things work. Take in the beauty of something different every day.. Remember, that you have life, a roof, people that love you, and something to live for; whether it be your children, loved ones, career, or just the fact that you're still breathing. And know peace..

My entire life I've been uprooting, spending three years at a time, just making friends, and pulling away. Thus is the life of a preachers kid. But along the way I've learned a few things. Love can be seen in the eyes, trust can be felt at the touch of a hand. Tears don't have to be shed to express sadness. Life is what each of us has inside. Sometimes I sit and wonder what I'm here for, and I am quickly reminded by this tap on my shoulder, that I am here to live, to explore, to find, help, follow, and lead. We are all meant for something, and that something is a choice. Choice, that has a funning meaning of late, as so often our very freedom of choice is threatened. Not the freedom of expression, but free will. All humans have free will, but when we fear that which threatens it, and cower in the shadow of that fear, we lose.

Free will is all I have left now. And this overwhelming will to be free. Yeah, that's a bit confusing I know but think about it for a minute, it'll come to you. Free will is left.. Basically, all I have left in my life is choice; constant decision. And with that choice is the urge, this pull, this sense of a need to fly away from this existence. To feel freedom, to not be bound by the ever watchful eye of society, or the laws it creates. To live for me, without time, without care. Happiness, I feel, is what I will find then, bliss, comfort, peace.. Things I've often longed for, but the longer I stay here, the less and less likely they become. I suppose now, we get to the point.. My reason for these words, is this: journies are much more enjoyable with company. Souls shared, are much more beautiful than one soul constantly alone. No, a hermit, I'm far from a hermit. I live for humanity, and it's perpetual interaction. I live to explore the thoughts of others, and to share mine with the world. I live to breathe life into the darker places of the heart, and to extract from the depths all those who feel lost. I live, to BE life.......

So much emphasis is placed on the age of people, that I cannot understand what I am suppose to do with my life anymore. I wish to remain a student, to always learn, to work at a job I like, and to someday have a family. I want to fly to china and join a monastery, just to learn how to chant. I want to tour the Punjab and understand enlightenment. I want to see Japan and feel the life the courses through it's veins. I want the cold of Russia, the winter's of Sweden (Ok, yeah, it's always winter..), the mists of Scotland, I want to feel life flow through me in France. I want to be a citizen of the world, but too recently that has become less likely. I feely like renouncing my citizenship here in America. I don't want my voting to be responsible for other peoples fates. Has anyone realize yet, that a handful of people we voted into "power," are responsible for the deaths of countless people. They say the buck stops with the president, but really, it stops with those that put him there, or those of us that tried desperately to keep him out.. I don't want the responsibility of the lives of the world hanging on my shoulders, really I don't. I want the lives of my family, my friends, my coworkers, the other drivers on the road, sure, but not the entire world. Have we forgotten that the constitution was a list of limitations on the government?? So what now, what can I do to change that which I live upon. I can leave, sure, but that's not all that smart just yet. What I can do is say this. I believe in love, and the eternity of existance as a whole. I don't pledge my allegiance to a flag, and singing a bunch of words does not make me American. Instead, I pledge my allegiance and my everlasting body to the world. to it's further progression through time, and for the erasure of hatred and malice.

Now you know what I've learned in the last 21 years, 11 months, and 9 days of my life. I want to continue learning such things, as a child of existance, not of mortality. We are taught, far too early, that all things must come to an end. It's a lie. And, I know from experience, that the more a lie is told, the more it becomes truth. Until the shattering reality is uncovered to the world, I don't think that anybody will stop fighting, killing, starving, freezing, or wasting away. The purpose of life is to be, to learn, to explore, and love. Where is it written that I have to stop?? That's right, it's not written anywhere, but it's taught as morals, as values. It is taught to settle for the best paying job, and to buy or build a house, and to make babies. I don't want to settle for a damn thing in life, I want to be extremely overjoyed with every decision I make, with every occurance of greatness in my life. I refuse to settle for second best, heck, I refuse to settle for the best. That's like saying, "oh, this is the best I can do? Alright, I suppose I'll take it." I'm not settling for a damn thing. Now we know what October and September mean. They mean that I'm not a year older, I'm a year more wise, and a year farther from stupidity, I'm a year happier, and a lifetime awaits all the things I may accomplish from here on. They mean that my existance is forever ripe, always abundant, and, hopefully, someday I may be fruitful, and multiply. But until those days, those moments, those points of infinity reach me, I shall be who I am, a human, kind and loving, open and strong, protective and sure, and I will strive to give all that I can to the one thing on this planet that will never cease to amaze me, life!!

Addendum: 02/09/07
I've been contemplating, of late, my Swedish heritage. That's right, I'm about 4th Generation, and some of it's diluted with the some super heavy Irish blood.. My paternal Grandfather was mostly, well, british been in America 200 years mutt. But both Grandmothers are Scotch/Irish. My Maternal Grandfather is where the swede comes from, and I seem to be the only one in my entire immediate and extended family to embody such traits. I'm huge, blonde, kinda blue eyes, built like a small house, and capable of destroying one as well. Because of this heritage I've given recent thought to my study of Runes and their meanings. I'v chosen teiwaz and jera as the primary symbols for the scar work I'm doing. I chose them for justice and fertility (good harvest) as those are most valuable to me, in many walks of life.

I've recently devoted my life to my practice, farming, love, community. I'll be spending the summer working and studying in Montana, toiling under the smooth big sky sun, sunk in a valley just between the Rockies and Idaho. Really, I should think about where I want to go to school this fall, as I plan to attend some kind of two or three year program in order to better understand organic farming, intentional communities, and agribusiness. The land is my life, and though I believe none should own it, we are responsible for its well-being. We should always return to the land, in equal measure, what we take from it. I know that's a difficult principle to understand and put into practice, but it is a necessary cycle of life.

I can site so many sources for this, but.. from dust we came, and to dust we shall return.. Therefore I believe those who spend their lives in and among the dust, the meat and tender womb of the earth, shall reap the rewards granted such a life. Prosperity, happiness, love, long years of understanding and learning; entire nations may come to a head. The only necessary occupation that remains is the pulling of tines through the mud, the furrowed brow turned toward the furrowed soil. The earth should be our life, or way, our means of existing. Women were not made to greet customers, or plug numbers, or field phone calls.. In the same way, Men were not made to toil monotonously and manage, or defend, or lead. Only through working for sustenance are all equal, and only through equality can all share joy and honour in that work.

Friends (40):

Mutual Friends (32):